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When You Want To Get Sober But Your Husband Doesn’t

April 21, 2017 - - 0 Comments

co-dependent relationshipGetting sober is difficult in itself, but the difficulty of accomplishing that task becomes even harder when you are are in a co-dependent relationship.  You both drink and you share that in common until it becomes a problem for one of the partners. The co-dependency you share is likely not just limited to substance abuse and could be one of you having an illness who depends on the other, other addictions such as food, sex or gambling, and physical or mental abuse by either partner.

When you have been living in addiction for years and years, sometimes 20 years or longer, the decision to get sober is a big one. It is signaling a clear change in the opposite direction. Perhaps you were just fed up with the arguments, the dysfunction, and your poor physical and mental state, but it’s clear you want to turn it around. A good place to start is by getting yourself some information on women’s alcohol addiction. Women have a unique role in this because they are often much more invested into the relationship than men are. It makes a difficult decision, but it also makes sense why so many women leave decide to leave their drinking husbands after getting sober. They become invested in themselves and the freedom and great life sobriety can give you outside of the bottle.

It’s not just about stopping drinking, though. Let’s pretend that you have gotten sober, but your husband hasn’t. You have just returned home from a women’s alcohol rehab, sober, and excited about the future. You return home, and after the welcome party has worn off, day to day life begins again, this time, though, and you have a clear head. His drinking never bothered you much while you were drinking alongside him. Things that you were able to live with before might make you feel different this time around. What kinds of things are you willing to live with? Could you kiss him with his alcohol-fueled breath?

Sobriety can make the world your oyster. Without any haze to hold you back, you can now put your time into bettering yourself. You could go to school and get a new career, or learn that particular hobby or skill you thought about. This is about taking your life in a positive direction, and as we know, drinking took you in the most negative of directions. It took you to seek treatment for women’s alcohol addiction, and no one wants to be in rehab. As life goes on, you may realize that even though you love him, you are just not compatible anymore.

Remember that you cannot and should not force anyone to get sober. If you had a talk before you left for rehab about getting sober together, or to turn your life around, and he honestly agreed with you and you worked together on this, then stay the course.  Your love is worth it. It’s clear that he wants to be with you and go in the direction you so courageously decided to go. His motivation is clear.

So it is important then to be mindful of his motivation to get sober only once you decide to leave. The motivation is not there. He may feel hopeless himself, just unwilling to admit his problem, and cling on to you. Don’t give in to this. If he wants to go and get sober on his own, he should and maybe after an extended length of sobriety for both of you, you could talk about re-entering a relationship.

The process of becoming and staying sober requires determination. You should not let anything damage your self-esteem or prevent you from getting to where you want to go.

His and Her Houses offers industry leading Alcohol treatment programs. We were founded in 1994 and we base our programs on five key principles: commitment, honesty, integrity, respect, and service. These five principles guide us in all that we do and all the care we provide. Contact us today to see how we can help you or your love one at (888) 376-7268.

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