Profound Coherence; the Reality Goal for Family Recovery

February 27, 2017 - - 0 Comments

Profound Coherence; the Reality Goal for Family Recovery

By Sue Jackson LMFT; Clinical director  For His House New Creation

Profound Coherence is a family recovery goal. It is the last reality of the seven realities of the addictive family. For review; pathos the first reality is about the addictive family and the emotional suffering each member experiences individually. The second reality is the abstruse, the family’s closely guarded secrets, so hidden they do not even know they exist. Synchronized Pathos is the third reality, the family emotionally suffering together, at the same time. These first three realities lead up to Grave Incongruence which is the fourth reality, the complete separating of the emotional, spiritual and cognitive self.  Each reality that remains unresolved progresses to The Wrath Experience. The Wrath Experience, the fifth reality has distinct stages; anger-rage-and wrath. Wrath is the state of wanting revenge and/or vengeance.For the addictive family this stage is the most serious. As the disease of addiction progresses and resentments build, depression and anxiety increases to an almost intolerable state. Sometimes, the family reaches the point of suicide or homicide or both as an option to quit the scrimmage.  Unfortunately that is a reality.

The totality of the realities is a result of the family scrimmage, the rough and vigorous struggle that can lead to a bloody battle. The family scrimmage plays out like a game with opposing sides. There is always an offense and a defense. Always players and positions to be filled. Choices to make, what side to be on. The addictive family always plays out as a scrimmage with devastating results.

When a family goes into treatment for substance abuse they will need more than education about the disease concepts of addiction and the 12 steps. They will need to address the realities that have impacted their lives while living with addiction as a member of the family. Once the first six realities have been significantly processed scrimmage will begin to change. Family members will learn the importance of rigorous honesty and how to apply the concepts of recovery to their daily lives.

The seventh reality, profound coherence, is different from the other realities.  Once the family has embraced recovery and have resolved the pain and shame related issues from the family scrimmage, profound coherence can be implemented. The grave incongruence of our emotional, spiritual, cognitive selves will be congruent once again.  The wrath experience which included anger, rage and wrath, will have been reduced to appropriate responses.

The family can enjoy the new realities of a recovering family. Profound coherence removes toxic shame and gives way for a healthy shame experience. Healthy shame means being honest with self and others with the knowledge that you do not have to be in hiding anymore. A dedicated commitment to daily living in the reality of profound coherence will provide for a formation of a unified family because all the parts of the family are healed and “fit together in a natural and reasonable way” the true definition of coherence.  This means the addictive family scrimmage behaviors have changed and have been transformed into healthy family recovery behaviors.

This takes daily personal self-reflection by each member of the family. The addict or alcoholic, the co-dependent and the children will have to give up the positions they played during the scrimmage and learn how to live one day at a time within the family recovery. This will take the sorting out of all the “whatever’s” presented to the family each moment of each day. It will take more than courage, it will take an honest surrender to a power greater than their selves.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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